So, You Want to Lead Others? Learn to Lead Yourself First
Self-leadership involves growing inwardly to shine outwardly
By Rodger Dean Duncan
In most discussions of leadership, the emphasis is on one person’s influence with others.
But there’s clear evidence that effective influence with others must be preceded by the leader’s own self-development.
That reality has been acknowledged for centuries. Consider these observations:
“Mastering others is a strength; mastering oneself is true power.” – Lao Tsu
“The first and best victory is to conquer self.” – Plato
“Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” – Aristotle
“Rule your mind or it will rule you.” - Horace
Heather Younger, a celebrated workplace culture and employee engagement expert, has written several bestselling books helping people navigate the roads to effectiveness in both their professional and personal lives. Her latest offering is The Art of Self-Leadership: Discover the Power Within You and Learn to Lead Yourself.
Younger embraces the view that leadership is a personal quality, not a job description. So, how can leaders (who have the title) nurture and develop their team members for future leadership roles of their own?
“It’s critical to establish psychological safety with high potential employees who the leader plans to develop and recommend into leadership roles,” she says. “This makes it safer for the high potential to bring up areas of concern or ask for feedback to grow themselves. If it remains obvious that there’s a power dynamic at hand, the high potential team member will never fully exhibit leadership qualities. Additionally, if the organization allows it, the leader with the title should enroll the high potential employee in coaching services. This will facilitate a plan of growth and development.”
If self-leadership involves growing inwardly to shine outwardly, how can a leader-in-embryo deal with occasional bouts of imposter syndrome?
“The first thing to focus on is measuring one’s own successes and recognizing the work they put in to get to where they are today,” Younger says. “At the center of imposter syndrome is a propensity to compare someone else’s journey to our own. The most practical way to keep our eyes on what we have accomplished is to keep a daily journal of the things we are most proud of. When we do this, we shift our mindset and then our behaviors to keep moving us forward. One added layer here is that preparation makes us perform at our best and the positive results reinforce that we are as good as others expect of us.”
Younger offers tips on gaining self-confidence.
First, commit to being a lifelong learner. “I know a couple gentlemen who read more than 100 books annually. There’s a saying, ‘What you read today walks and talks with your tomorrow.’ I have found this to be true, and I know that the more Intentionally I expand my view of the world by constantly learning, the more possibility I see to grow and shine.”
Speaking of her friends who are avid readers, Younger says “they are always hungry for more knowledge and innovative thinking. I never hear them complain and I always see them finding great solutions.”
Younger says preparedness is another key to gaining self-confidence. “As a keynote speaker and trainer, I find that I perform best when I put in the work to prepare for success. If I don’t prepare for success, I’m destined to feel less confident. There’s really no such thing as being over-prepared because good preparation puts you in the position to relax and shine.”
Finally, she says, it’s important to accept positive feedback and compliments as much as you accept constructive feedback. “I used to argue with someone after they gave me a compliment and list the reasons I was not deserving of their kind words. Now, I say, ‘Thank you. That means a lot.’ Then, in my own mind, I repeat, ‘You are impactful and worthy!’ So much of confidence is our mindset and we need to be intentional with preserving it.”
Younger says gaining clarity on personal values helps people on their self-leadership journey.
“Once we know what we value we become clearer on our own strengths and what we bring to the table,” she says. “I can speak more impactfully to people I look to influence when I understand how my personal values can contribute to special projects or challenges. When we are grounded in our own personal values, we can better understand our own limits.”
She offers an example to illustrate. “Let’s say I’m offered a job that requires that I travel 80% of the time. I know that I need to decline that job offer, because I know that spending time with my family is my number one priority and extensive travel would thwart that priority.”
Clarity, she says, leads to confidence. “As we become clearer about the things we value, we become more confident in how we receive feedback and take steps to change and improve. For example, if someone gives me feedback that I should appear ‘smart’ when presenting to audiences to grow in popularity, I will turn away from that idea, since my most treasured personal value is connection and relatability. If I were to do something that would put distance between me and my audience, that would contradict my values.”
